ANNA AND THE BREXIT APOCALYPSE

In the sensational zom-com musical Anna and the Apocalypse, a schoolgirl (played by Ella Hunt) and her pals must fight for survival as civilisation collapses around their ears. It’s left to the younger generation to pick up the pieces, battling zombie hordes, stopping for an occasional musical number, and trying to save humankind. If this all sounds a little bit too much like Brexit for comfort, here’s a handy guide for what will happen when we crash out of the EU, using a few pointers from Anna and her gang to help us navigate the coming months...

What will happen to your neighbourhood?

There might have been dire warnings in the papers about what is going to happen after Brexit - giant rats prowling in the streets, children turning feral and setting fire to playgrounds, pensioners dressed in leather and driving too fast on mobility scooters, and, worst of all, no recycling collections on a Wednesday. If things are a little chaotic outside your front door - do what Anna does in the film - just ignore it and carry on with your day.

Will kids still have to go to school?

Sorry to report, school will continue as normal. When we say ‘as normal’, school kids will have to attend, but lessons might be a little different. For example, the headmaster, due to all the stress of Brexit chaos, might not be his usual self. He’ll look the same, and sound more or less the same, but there’s a good chance he has become completely unhinged, worrying as he is that Brexit will lead to the cancellation of a parent-teacher night booked for early June.

Will there be food in the supermarkets?

No use taking any chances - your best bet is to get three or four trolleys and load up on all the essentials before it is too late - crisps, chocolate biscuits, large bottles of pop, and so on. Once you’ve loaded up on food, use the trolleys as battering rams to fight through hordes of scavengers who want what you’ve got.

Is it true there will be really long queues at the post office?

Unfortunately, yes, the queues at the post office will probably be longer than usual, as people will be panic renewing their passports in case they are not allowed to go on holiday in Spain any more, and will be forced to spend the summer at Bognor Regis. Don’t worry though, the best way to get to the front of the queue is to either say you have a medical ailment or, if that doesn’t work, simply use force, i.e, swing a large object at those in front of you.

Will people fall out over Brexit?

No, it’ll be fine. Certainly there will be some arguments between those that want to leave and those that want to stay, but it can all be settled by calm, rational discussion. It’ll be a bit like this scene in Anna and the Apocalypse where the headmaster (played by Paul Kaye), finally makes peace with the zombie horde, offering himself up to their clutching hands.

What if Brexit makes you depressed?

All the uncertainty - will we leave, when will we leave, will Mars Bars be rationed? - is bound to cause a certain amount of anxiety and upset. In this instance, the best thing to do is what Anna does in the film when confronted with slavering, blood-thirsty zombies and a world changed forever… by bursting into song! Nothing pushes the cares away than giving your lungs a good workout.

What if everything DOES descend into chaos?

To begin with, that’s no way of looking at things - accentuate the positive. Who knows, everything could work out fine, right? Right? No - okay then, let’s say things get a bit hairy. Take a deep breath and do what Nick (played by Ben Wiggins) does in the film - flashes a dazzling smile, and, with a twinkle in his eyes, keeps calm and carries on. Oh, but don’t forget to pack a baseball bat also.

Anna and the Apocalypse out now on DVD from Vertigo Releasing