Where it was once radiation leaks, genetic mutations, and chemical buffoonery that caused animals to attack humans in the cinematic universes, these days, it’s most likely to originate from them just being pissed off with our behaviour in general. Note the sudden and unexplained occurrences of Orcas ramming yachts in Portugal and other global territories. You get the impression that they’ve had enough of our bullshit, and that they’re one of the first species in a potentially long line to crack. And who can blame them? Bears and mountain lion attacks are increasing in the USA, as animals and humankind vie for land. Add wily coyotes to that mix as well now, with this comedy horror set in the opulent hills of La La Land. Coyotes is directed by Colin Minihan, one half of the “Vicious Brothers” (the other being Stuart Ortiz), who gave us Grave Encounters (soon to be rebooted), Extraterrestrial, and It Stains the Sands Red. Minihan also wrote and directed the enjoyably different low-level backwoods slasher What Keeps You Alive. This time, he films real-life couple Justin Long and Kate Bosworth (also executive producers) as the central characters and finds room for his long-time muse (and partner) Brittany Allen, who also starred in Sands and Alive. It opened in Fantastic Fest and is in US cinemas for a limited release just after, so expect VOD in the UK at some point, probably. Is it worth seeing or just barking up the wrong tree?

 

It kicks off with a valley “gurl” walking her tiny pooch (in between bitching on the phone and taking selfies, obviously) in an affluent Hollywood Hills estate. But the pupster gets chewed up by something in the brush, the owner freaks out and becomes a hit-and-run victim, leaving her as easy (literal) meat for some hungry coyotes. Yup, a big pack of growly wolf-like doggos are prowling around the lifestyles of the rich and famous, and they’re not here for property valuations. Into the mix comes workaholic cartoonist Scott (Long), along with his neglected wife (Bosworth as Liv) and his daughter Chloe (Mila Harris). After an oddball encounter with a pest exterminator, who convinces him he has rats in the walls of his luxury home, the family settles in for the Night of the Living Dead (that old un-copyrighted favourite) and a pizza. Unfortunately, a big storm blows in, wrecks Scott’s car and blows out most of the power in the region, making it (apparently) almost impossible to contact the outside world and has emergency services pushed to unavailability (yes, this plot point is a stretch). It’s then, over the course of the next night and day, that the coyotes gradually push their way into the neighbourhood, turning it into a fast-food joint for four-legged furry fiends. Scott must push aside his crippling fear of the sight of blood (!) and protect his family as everything descends to hell.

 

Coyotes is a bit of a goofy experience. It’s not a straightforward animal horror, and the comedy elements don’t always work (although some do), as the tone can veer wildly from one extreme to the other. One minute, we’ve got (literal) dad jokes from Scott about “ladies of the night”, and the next, we’ve got a character snorting coke and attempting to shoot himself in the head because he just found the dismembered corpse of his beloved pet! You’ve got “I’m standing right here!” quips, later followed by the pretty disturbing sight of an eviscerated, and nearly skeletonised victim looking pleadingly at another character from their (death) bed. Like a lot of comedy-horrors, it doesn’t get the balance quite right. Throw in some of the reality-destroying plot points, and it’s all a little bizarre. Characters have working mobile phones but hardly use them to call 911, and when they do, they’re always put on hold (intentional satire perhaps?). People constantly make baffling decisions and usually doom themselves. Guns don’t come into play as much as they probably would if this were close to real life. And the ultimate reason given for all this carnage is a real stinker, feeling like it came from one of the biggest animal movie cliches of all time.

 

However, there is an oddly endearing quality to this hot mess. It’s bizarrely refreshing to see Long play a flawed-but-basically decent family man, which is a far cry from all the unlikeable douchebags he normally plays in films (see Barbarian, etc). It’s a nice touch to have his character freaked out by the sight of blood (surely something that should happen more often in horror films), and at least he acknowledges screw-ups and suchlike. Some droll delivery helps too. On watching a news report about the incoming storm, he quips, “They’re always trying to make shit sound worse! Remember those killer bees?”. This is shortly before his garden is wrecked and the killer coyotes bite. There’s some nice chemistry (perhaps unsurprisingly) from himself and Bosworth, who provides some genuine bad-assery at points, and it’s a shame she hasn’t done more genre work, although she has flirted with it before in stuff like Black Rock and House of Darkness. Still, she’s solid in the role (although she should have been given more to do), as is Brittany Allen, who plays a sassy sex worker drawn into the eating party.

 

As regards the coyotes themselves, it’s a mixed-but-entertaining bag. Mostly CGI, with occasional live specimens and some puppetry, they either look dopey or genuinely scary. The features are exaggerated somewhat to make them look more vicious and less like agitated urban foxes. Ludicrously lengthened canine teeth look like vampire fangs in some shots, and there are the usual rumours of AI having a hand in affairs. However, whilst it doesn’t work in some sequences, where you never see more than 4 hounds at any one time, BTW, it is absolutely nailed in some scenes. There’s a split-screen sequence where a scowling coyote confidently slinks through the doorway with teeth dripping blood that is absolute nightmare fuel!. And as far as the horror element goes, these moments are the best. For all the talk about “home invasions” in the synopsis, they only prowl into homes on a handful of occasions. But there’s something primal and deliciously eerie about seeing a wolf-like creature pad about in the dark as people hide in cupboards, or they howl at victims atop a pool table. These are the coolest moments, and there’s probably not enough of them. The brilliantly batshit “Burning Bright” (tiger in the house!) is still the best (and loopiest) animal home invasion in exploitation films.

 

Despite the occasional PG-rated feel to some of the dialogue and humour, this is most definitely an R-rated film. Along with some of the dark jokes and f-bombs, the gore is nicely realised in some grim scenes, and the prospect of being eaten alive by an animal is exploited in several situations. It even has the temerity to injure some of the leads at surprise moments. There’s a nice Giallo-esque soundtrack supplied by Allen, who pulled the same duties on Alive and many other productions. Taking a cue from Scott’s profession, there are some cartoony aesthetics. Characters are introduced by comic-strip illustrations when they first appear, which feels a bit too James Gunn and hackneyed to work here, to be honest. But this does provide an excuse to use neat illustrations of the events in the credits. Cinematography is okay (especially during the fire sequences), but it can’t help but feel like a small-scale production. Despite seemingly overlooking LA, principal photography took place in late 2024 in Bogotá, Colombia. The footage never leaves the hill or the houses, whilst this is undoubtedly due to budget, it would have been nice to see the snarling shenanigans extend to more than about four houses in a sheltered neighbourhood.

 

Overall, this is a flawed-but-fun slice of non-human horror with some decent moments and a credible stab at flirting with mainstream genre and satire. Long and Bosworth are very watchable together, and the titular menaces occasionally hit the trigger for being slasher villains on the doorstep. As with a lot of the scenes involved, you can easily imagine someone acting naively and just impotently saying “shoo”, moments before getting a bite of reality on the backside. There are even some touches of genuine pathos as the lead characters realise just how shallow their lives are. It’s a bit like 8-Legged Freaks in that respect, especially with some of the underlying themes involved, and indeed somebody does use the derogatory term “4-legged freaks” at one point. Coincidence? Maybe. Dogged, if I know…