URBAN LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY (October 16th)

YOU'VE GOT RED ON YOU TAKES PART IN THE 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE; WATCHING ONE HORROR MOVIE A DAY THROUGHOUT OCTOBER. SOME OF THEM OLD, SOME OF THEM NEW, SOME OF THEM HAVE JUST BEEN ON OUR SHELVES FOR YEARS GATHERING DUST, STILL IN CELLOPHANE...

I've seen a few shoddy movies during my '31 Days; efforts so far but this one is up there with the worst. The most disappointing thing is that I really liked the first Urban Legend movie. Released as part of a clutch of slasher movie off the back of the success of Wes Craven's 'Scream', it had a great cast, didn't take itself too seriously and was just a lot of fun. Most people don't agree with that viewpoint, but hey, who cares. The second Urban Legend film was pure garbage to be blunt but surely the third entry, titled 'Urban Legends: Bloody Mary would get back on the right course? Not so much. In fact, it's one of those movies that you just wonder how on earth it even got made.

I'll give you a brief rundown of the story. Samantha (Kate Mara) is the editor of her high school newspaper but after she published an unflattering photograph of a few of the school football players, she and her two friends decide to lay low for a while – and have a sleepover instead of going to a party (where the jocks will definitely be at). Amongst all the pillow fighting and giggling, one of Sam's friends tells the other two about an urban legend that her mum had told her about. In Salt Lake City, on prom night back in 1969, three shitty students tried to drug their dates but when one of them (a girl called Mary) realises and tries to make her escape, one of them accidentally kills her. Well, he punches her in the face and she hits her head when falling. Does that count as 'accidentally'? Who knows. Anyway, apparently if you say 'Bloody Mary' three times (Candyman style) whilst looking in the mirror, she'll appear. Although she doesn't appear straight away, it's not long before Samantha is having disturbing visions and fellow students start getting killed off in a variety of wacky ways. Is Mary back from the dead or is there a human serial killer running amok...?

The answer? Who cares. Seriously, I didn't.

This really is just a turgid affair from start to finish. From the TV music score to the amateurish editing and the boring, predictable plot. The characters are nothing more than cliches and some of the dialogue is simply awful. The fact that Michael Dougherty (who wrote Godzilla: King of the Monsters and Krampus) makes it doubly disappointing too.

Kate Mara is sort of passable as the lead but pretty much everyone else in this movie...it almost feels as if this is their first acting gig or something. I've seen better acting in pornos than this. Err.. I mean, I imagine that the acting in pornos is better than this. The script doesn't really give Mara much to do either. It lurches from one death scene to another, with shoddy special FX and derivative kills sequences with no real sense of purpose or logic. Director Mary Lambert (Pet Sematary) has got to take a share of the blame too however as though the script is trash, the way it is shot isn't much better either. This woman directed the 'Like A Prayer' music video for God's sake, what went wrong here?! The leering at teenage girls was so obvious that thirty minutes in I said to my other half 'I bet you the director is a bloke'. Turns out it was just an attempt to compensate for everything else.

It all ends in suitably ludicrous and nonsensical fashion too. Predictable and stupid. Characters just doing things for no real rhyme or reason. And the 'urban legend' the film is based on? It's really quite dull and unsatisfying. If you want to see a movie about a girl seeking revenge after a bad prom experience, may I suggest you track down 'Carrie' instead.

I could write a bit more but it's making me tired and grumpy just thinking about this film any more. Mental note: Make sure you pick some films that are actually supposed to be half decent.